my eyes hurt. they're really dry from crying so much today. at the risk of being 100% vulnerable, my husband and i were turned down today for a mortgage loan. ouch. that hurt. possibly because we became SO attached to a cabin we kept calling "our house." and now, it's only a pipe dream.
speaking of dreams, owning a home was somewhere near the bottom of the "dream list" for david and me. we have moved several times since we married, and have always loved the freedom that renting brought. but in the past few weeks, some events transpired, and we thought, "let's buy a house!" we found the most perfect home of all time (which we stalked over the past week, imagining our lives in this cabin), and had up close seats for it's disappearance today. and my eyes absolutley, positivley hurt with dry-burn. ouch.
but, in talking with one of the people that know me best (myself), i am totally okay now. well, not *totally* okay, but i'm getting there. i bounce back quick. always have :). my conversation went something like this..
darlena, it's okay. it is SO not a big deal. you have never wanted to own a home before, so you'll get over this quickly. something will work out, God knew about this before you did, and He's got this. you prayed specifically for doors to be closed that He didn't want open, and for Him to open doors that no man could open for you. and now here you are, falling apart and wracking with sobs. calm down. now. it's okay. it's SO NOT A BIG DEAL. i have a home to go to TONIGHT. that's all that matters. tonight is all that matters. i don't have tomorrow guaranteed. something will work out. it's okay. it's okay. it's okay. *sob, sob* but it was OUR house! that house was meant for US! *sniffle* okay, i'm fine. it's fine. i'm okay. it's okay.
and that conversation has continued tonight with myself and with my husband, sans tears. no, i have no more tears. i just have dry, burning, painful eyes and a smile because my girls are happily and healthfully playing games, david is laying down watching spongebob with them, and i'm here, writing. so really, i'll save the tears for when something REALLY matters. this, this is just a very temporary set-back.
I feel your tears. Once Linda and I were in an apartment, our kids were 6 and 8. We were going to move into a rent too purchase situation and were so excited. You need to know these were the "Carter years" in American history and inflation was out of control. Gas lines, rationing, and home mortgage rates if 17% and above.
ReplyDeleteMoving day finally arrived and we took the kids to school with the promise of coming home to a new house. We loaded all our worldly possessions on the moving truck except the washer and dryer, and the phone rang. It was our landlord from the new house (this had already been a long drawn out deal with a dash of dishonesty here and there). He said the neighbors had called and said water was running out the front door of the house. I agreed to go check it out.
Well, the previous tenants had not paid the power bill and the pipes had frozen. But since they also had not paid the water bill, nobody knew the pipes were busted until we had it turned back on. Also, there was no stove, refrigerator, or sink all of which the landlord was supposed to have taken care of.
Well, we didn't move. But what were we gonna tell the kids? We went back to the apartment and begged the management to let us stay and moved all the furniture back. As we put it back, we rearranged everything. When we picked up the kids we told them it was "Just like" a new house. They had the most fun going through and seeing what was different.
All that to say this. We look back on that time now and laugh as we tell the stories. It was a hard time, but it's the hard that makes you GREAT! It will come, just keep trusting HIM.
Love you guys,
Rick
oh pastor rick, you make me cry with your story. thank you for sharing that. since monday, some things have happened for us that have given us hope that we may be homeowners sooner than we think, but i'm NOT getting my hopes up this time. we are leaving all in His hands, and trusting that doors will be open/shut according to HIS foreknowledge of our lives. we love you guys much...what a great story you shared. :)
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