464

i'm sitting in a semi-quiet house. the history channel is playing softly in the background. david must be asleep already. oldest daughter is reading, youngest is eating an apple watching spongebob. and me? i'm on the computer. looking at homes for sale, and homes for rent; checking out twitter (my guilty pleasure) and meditating on the fact that there have been 464 aftershocks from japan's earthquake 5 days ago. 464, most have been over 6.0 on the richter scale. 464, 464, 464, 464, 464, 464

yeah, i'm looking at homes to move into, because for us that's an option. but how dare i. how dare i look at nice homes, or even not-nice homes and think about moving when i already have a roof over my head. how dare i, selfish selfish person. thousands homeless in japan. threats of nuclear radiation, starvation, devastating loss, and mis-placed families loom over the heads of the japanese. and here i am on the coldwell banker website. how dare i. but i have to. our house is up for sale, and we have to be pro-active. but still, even for  tonight, i have a roof and four walls. i have a full stomach from dinner. my girls are here, my husband is here. my family is a phone calll away. i walk outside and do not fear being exposed to radiation, or sights too horrific to see. how dare i be so non-chalant. why am i on the computer? why am i not praying? why is my face not on the ground in weeping, grieving tears for my brothers and sisters across the ocean? they're human. hurting, lonely, human. why am i not pleading with my Father to comfort them and draw their spirits closer to His?

 464 aftershocks...i'm going to pray.