rainboots...BARBIE rainboots

it has been a week since i last wrote. so much has happened, but how do i put into words what has been happening in my soul? i don't. result? no posts. but now here i am, embarking on a 3 day weekend, coffee in hand, rain falling on the roof, and i'm writing. maybe this bandaid of idle words will cover up the wound of not being able to put what has actually happened/is happening on "paper." so here i write, and the only thing on my mind, the freshest thing on my mind, is my talk with 10 year old on the way to school this morning. (snow make-up day for them, quiet off-day for me)

"get your rain boots on this morning" -me
"can i just wear tennis shoes?" -10 yr old daughter
she hasn't been wearing her rain boots lately...hmm....
"has someone been making fun of you for wearing them? you love those rain boots!"- me
"well, yes kinda, i mean, it's just that some people say 'why is there BARBIE on your rainboots?' "
okay yes, barbie rain boots i bought her...BUT, they are light pink with tiny little black barbie sillouhetes, the classic/vintage style with barbie's hair in a pony tail, way chic and not at all too young for a 10 year old. *sigh* what to do? what to do?
"okay listen, put them on and i will tell you why on the way to school."

so for 7 minutes to school, i talked non stop about her boots, and how much she loved them at first, and we even made a special trip to a store that wasn't close to us to exchange them for another size because she wanted them sooooo bad. then we talked about the jealousy of others and sometimes kids feel the need to make you like them if they are threatened you might be just a bit cooler than they. and one kid in particular, a little girl, i know for a fact she always gets hand-me-downs, which is perfectly fine, but maybe she feels a little sad about not having brand new rain boots, and having to wear SNOW BOOTS in the spring, in the rain, so she wants to make my daughter feel bad about hers. and then i told her, "look, if they're boys that are making fun of you, don't let it bother you. boys have NO sense of fashion whatsoever!" and then of course i went through my famous "tell them you don't care what they think as long as you feel good and like them" speech that i've been giving since the 10 yr old was first told by another girl in preschool "i don't wanna play with you" and it broke my daughter's heart and i had to instruct her "tell her you don't care if she wants to play with you or not, you have other friends." i even went as far as saying, "i'm pretty sure GOD approves of your boots, and really in the end that's ALL that matters!!!" but then really and truly i know how she feels because i have this jessica simpson purse that is RASPBERRY PURPLE and i have had a few ugly comments made about it, and it hurts and sucks, but i still carry it everyday because i adore it. but still, words about someone's clothes is just ugly and mean and sometimes what they have is all they have. sure, my daughter could've worn tennis shoes today, but then, THEY WIN. the haters i called them. hatin' on my daughter. by the time 7 minutes was up and we were at her school, i was telling her in so many words "look, it comes down to this. if one kid says one thing, tell them i want to talk to them. so give them my phone number and let them know i'd be happy to discuss with them the etiquette of humans and the rudeness of words that cut deep." 

so there you have it. my first post in a week and it's about my lame attempt at making my daughter feel better about a source of hurt. she got out of the car smiling but i still felt like a big fat failure. i know she hasn't told me before because either A. she thought my feelings would be hurt if she didn't want to wear the boots anymore..or...B. she knew i'd be TICKED and probably embarass her which i so often do with my "momma bear" attitude. either way, it pains me to know she has been keeping this from me. can't wait until early dismissal this afternoon so i can talk to her more....and maybe get the phone numbers to every kid in her class......