Surrendering. To relinquish control, to hand over possession, just like that. I have such a rebellious heart, I always want to push the envelope just to see how far I can go without “going all the way” when it pertains to sinning, obedience, or submitting to authority. Have I ever fully surrendered? Haven’t I always been pushing the envelope, seeing how much of my way I can get while still “being good” in Your eyes? Every single great story of the Bible involves complete surrender, total obedience, absolute submission to Your calling, to Your voice, to Your will. Abraham taking his son that he prayed for to an altar as You told him, Moses bringing the people out of Egypt, Gideon leading the army of 300, Elijah, Isaiah and Jeremiah prophesying Your Words, King David, the 12 disciples, even Your own Son submitted totally to Your will by dying on a tree for a sinful world. The list continues on to Paul who out of obedience to You ended up in prison and martyred for Your Name sake, and yet lived a life of total joy that is still affecting the world today! And here I sit, rebellious, callous-hearted; wanting to do the right things, while still doing the wrong things. I get so angry over Calli being just like me…when I get onto her for being rebellious, and her push-the-envelope-always-questioning-authority attitude, I hear YOU speaking to ME. Surely the words I say to her are identical to the ones You speak to my spirit. I always think “I don’t want to break Calli’s spirit, I just want to channel that spirit for the good and not the wrong.” And then in church, as Pastor Renny speaks on absolute surrender, I hear You speaking into my heart, “I don’t want to break your spirit, Darlena.” You are such a good daddy! You, just like me, want Your children to be obedient because it is good for us to do as You ask. Your words, Your commandments, they are for my good and not my harm. You don’t give us a long list of “do nots” because You are mean…You do it out of care and protection and love for Your kids. Please help me to understand that. Please grace me with a light bulb moment that kicks my butt and tells me Your ways are good and I have got to stop rebelling…pushing to see how far I can go without actually “sinning,” playing with fire and always getting spiritually burned. I want surrender. I want to relinquish. I want to understand that I won’t lose this spirit inside You have placed within me if I am 100% submitted to Your commandments and Your will. I don’t want my way anymore. I want Your way, I want You to channel me for Your good and Your purpose. Oh dear Father, please let all I do have purpose. Every word, every thought, every deed and action, every single thing please let it have Your eternal purpose attached to it. And if it doesn’t, please free from those things. Please get rid of ME….LESS of me and MORE of You. Please help me to know that I will never be able to model surrender and obedience to my own children if I don’t do it in my life. You are the only one I want to surrender to…I am tired of surrendering to me. I am sick of me. The only good I have is You in me. Surrender. Relinquish. Give up control. Letting go. Obedience. Submission. For when I bow to You, You raise me up.
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