yuck on the surface

i have often wondered why, when it seemed like the closer i was getting to God, the more i messed up. i would sometimes chalk it up to just being "more aware" of my great need for a Savior and what a huge failure i was. but then i came to the realization that, while both of those points are most certainly true, my excess screwing up isn't something that the Father uses to rub in my face and make me smell my own dirty laundry, so to speak.

so, i think i finally get it. when i need a break-through the most, when i seem to mess up time and time again, when my attitudes are at their worse and my mouth is spewing awful things, i think i can finally see and understand the plan He has for me through all of it. He is allowing my ugliness to come to the surface.

okay, so stay with me. when i exercise, my body sweats, which brings impurities and dirt, bacteria, and toxins to the surface. now, if i don't quickly exfoliate, clean, wipe the yucky away, then it stays on my skin. clogging my pores, and causing acne.

when you soak beans, you soak them to clean them. when they're in the pot, all of the dirt and filth from the beans rises to the top and it has to be skimmed away. if not, then the beans just cook in dirty water and nothing about the bean changes. you may as well not soak them at all.

don't you see? when our Father allows faults to rise to the surface, He wants to exfoliate, cleanse, skim them away! when it seems that you are closer than ever to Him, but can't understand why you're angry, depressed, using ugly language, etc....it's because in His great love, in His tender mercy, He is crying out for you to be cleansed and delivered of whatever binds you! we need our impurities to rise to the surface, to come out of us in order that we be scrubbed clean. but, we have to LET Him take away our sins..we have to allow Him to free us and get us out of the bondage that He is exposing to us to be on a deeper level of intimacy with Him.

He wants free fellowship with us, and if there are things hidden in our hearts that have yet to rise to the surface, we may not see the huge requirement in front of us to be whole and healthy individuals in order to be used by Him and for Him.

so go and be blessed, and know that every step you take closer to the Father, the more pure you will become. but it's not easy, the cleansing isn't always gentle...but His love is gentle, His mercy never ending, His kindess always enduring.