eatin' gravel

a year ago yesterday....the morning of my nephew's wedding, i went jogging. it was early morning, my husband was at work, and my girls, my mom, and my brother were all still sleeping when i slipped outside for some cardio. on the run back to the house, i was enjoying the sound of my tennis shoes on the pavement when the next thing i know, i'm tripping over my own foot, and i fall. on my face.

i remember being eye level with road and rocks and asphalt, staring at the yellow line that divided the lanes. adrenaline shot through my system, but not enough to keep the stinging pain of road burn at bay. i knew i was hurt badly but had to force myself to get up, i still had another mile and half to go before i got back home. i kept telling myself "you're okay, darlena. you're okay. you're okay....i'm okay, i'm okay, i'm okay...darlena, you're okay...."

the walk home was agonizing. thankfully, i caught my body with my hands, so my face and head were saved, but the left side of my body was not so lucky. road rash stung, and with the cool september wind, every breeze was killing me. through tears, shortness of breath, and a lot of  "you're okay, darlena," i made it home. i was hoping someone would be awake and help me with cleaning the rock and gravel out of my wounds. it would have been a nice release to finally cry like a small child over a skinned knee, but unfortunatley, everyone was still sleeping when i got home. my palms were injured, my elbow was bleeding profusley, my hip and thigh were raw, and there i stood at the kitchen sink washing all of it, alone and in pain..."it's okay darlena, i'm okay, i'm okay, this is okay".....

.....that wasn't the only time i've fallen on my face in this life, had to force myself back up because i had to, no matter how painful, tell myself it's okay, and make the journey back to where i started. or maybe where i started wasn't where i was headed, but i had to keep going no matter what. it wasn't the first time i've had to nurse my own wounds because i felt alone and in pain with no one there to help.

but the truth is, i was never alone. not the day i fell on the road in north carolina, or any of the other times i've fallen on the road of life. the bandaids i apply to my soul are Scriptures from God's Word..only, unlike natural bandaids that only cover  the hurt, the Bible has the power to cover AND heal. i'm so thankful for a Savior who says to me, "you're okay, darlena. you're okay, I'm here...you're okay, I am with you," who cleans my wounds when i don't have the strength to, who picks the rocks out of my heart after falling on the ground. i may fall, but it's not me that has the power to get back up, it's He who lives inside of me.