toothless is beautiful!

calli's top right tooth has been loose for about a month. A MONTH! do you know what it's like to have a 6 year old with a very very loose tooth for about a month..too loose for it not to wiggle around and not loose enough for it to come out. it's a daily conversation of "mom, when can you pull my tooth out?" "not yet honey" "UGH, WHEN MOM, WHEN?????!!!!!!"...which is then followed by  me yelling "I DON'T KNOWWWWWWWW" ....i mean seriously. 30 days of this and you'd be yelling too.

after looking at her sideways tooth all day, david decided it was time to pull. he yanked, and jerked and POP! out came the tooth, and a little 6 year old girl was very very happy. mind you, she does NOT want the tooth fairy to have it for money..... "it can't be sold, mommy!"...  apparantley we'll be keeping this one.

and of course spoken like a true girl she says, "i want to go look in the mirror!" after several minutes of inspecting her toothlessness, she came out of the bathroom proclaiming, "I LOOK WEIRD!" i laughed and teased of course, because that's just the type of wonderful mother i am! but david, no david wouldn't have any of it. he was insistent on telling her, "no you don't look weird! you're beautiful! everyone loses teeth..you look just beautiful!"

fast forward 10 minutes as he tucks her in bed and still calli says she looks weird, and still her daddy says, "no baby, you're beautiful. you don't look weird."

ahhhh...what a sweet reminder of what my Savior says to me when i say, "i sinned! i'm dirty! i look weird!!" He does just what david did to his daughter..."no darlena, you don't look weird. you're beautiful. I have forgiven you, you are cleansed by My blood."

so a big thanks to an amazing father for reminding me of my amazing Father in Heaven.

eatin' gravel

a year ago yesterday....the morning of my nephew's wedding, i went jogging. it was early morning, my husband was at work, and my girls, my mom, and my brother were all still sleeping when i slipped outside for some cardio. on the run back to the house, i was enjoying the sound of my tennis shoes on the pavement when the next thing i know, i'm tripping over my own foot, and i fall. on my face.

i remember being eye level with road and rocks and asphalt, staring at the yellow line that divided the lanes. adrenaline shot through my system, but not enough to keep the stinging pain of road burn at bay. i knew i was hurt badly but had to force myself to get up, i still had another mile and half to go before i got back home. i kept telling myself "you're okay, darlena. you're okay. you're okay....i'm okay, i'm okay, i'm okay...darlena, you're okay...."

the walk home was agonizing. thankfully, i caught my body with my hands, so my face and head were saved, but the left side of my body was not so lucky. road rash stung, and with the cool september wind, every breeze was killing me. through tears, shortness of breath, and a lot of  "you're okay, darlena," i made it home. i was hoping someone would be awake and help me with cleaning the rock and gravel out of my wounds. it would have been a nice release to finally cry like a small child over a skinned knee, but unfortunatley, everyone was still sleeping when i got home. my palms were injured, my elbow was bleeding profusley, my hip and thigh were raw, and there i stood at the kitchen sink washing all of it, alone and in pain..."it's okay darlena, i'm okay, i'm okay, this is okay".....

.....that wasn't the only time i've fallen on my face in this life, had to force myself back up because i had to, no matter how painful, tell myself it's okay, and make the journey back to where i started. or maybe where i started wasn't where i was headed, but i had to keep going no matter what. it wasn't the first time i've had to nurse my own wounds because i felt alone and in pain with no one there to help.

but the truth is, i was never alone. not the day i fell on the road in north carolina, or any of the other times i've fallen on the road of life. the bandaids i apply to my soul are Scriptures from God's Word..only, unlike natural bandaids that only cover  the hurt, the Bible has the power to cover AND heal. i'm so thankful for a Savior who says to me, "you're okay, darlena. you're okay, I'm here...you're okay, I am with you," who cleans my wounds when i don't have the strength to, who picks the rocks out of my heart after falling on the ground. i may fall, but it's not me that has the power to get back up, it's He who lives inside of me.

what's the point in having faith????

a woman's mother passed away tragically this morning of cancer. in speaking with someone who knows the friend, we bounced back the "whys" and the "i don't understands." the point was made that if God is in control anyway, why should we even have faith at all? why hope for a positive outcome, when God's sovereign will is going to prevail anyway? i've been thinking about this all day since our conversation.

first off, let me say that i am not, in any shape, form, or fashion one of those people that says "you shouldn't ask God 'why?'" in fact, that statement infuriates me! if we are to abide by His Word, to live for His purpose and glory, then we are to have a relationship with Him. and if we are to have relationship with Him, then we converse with Him and nothing is hidden from Him anyway..so even if you're thinking 'why?' in your heart, He already knows. so why not ask why? we may not get the answer we want, heck, we may not ever get an answer this side of the Kingdom...but i think it's okay to ask your Creator, your Savior, 'why?' when bad things happen. i even ask 'why?' when good things happen! okay, so now that that's out of the way....

so i've been thinking all day...what's the purpose? what's the reason in hope, in faith that people will be healed, that broken hearts become mended, that something will go our way..when all along, God is going to decide what is best either way, whether we like it or not?? i think it's important to understand that God's outcomes are not always what we think is perfect. "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, and My ways are not your ways." Isaiah 55:8. we don't see the big picture. we don't know the beginning from the end as our Father in Heaven does. if we were to choose how everything went in our life, it would be a huge mess, simply because we can't understand how our situations today would effect our future. Only a Soverign God could know that.

so i have come up with this; having faith and hope and trust isn't and shouldn't be about having a belief in how we want things to turn out. yes, we want God to heal our loved ones, yes, we want and believe God to make things right when storms come in our lives...but wanting God to do something isn't about faith, it's about a sense of control. true faith is, "okay God, i want this, or i need this. but if what i want, and if what i need do not line up with Your plan and Your will for me, then i'm okay. and i accept it. and i pray that as Your will is carried out in my life, that You would give me the strength to handle whatever Your will entails. and i'm going to hope and trust and have faith for the best, but i believe in You, and what You're going to do with me and through me during my trials. so even if things don't go how i want them to, how i pray they would, then it's okay. have Your way with me."

easier said than done? yes. but at the risk of sounding extremely cliche, our Father never promised us an easy road, but He HAS PROMISED that He will never ever ever ever leave or forsake. and that "ALL things work together for good to those who love God, and are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

let's not every forget Job...who told his wife that he should curse God because of his trials. and instead he tells her that we shouldn't just accept the good from God in life, we must accept the bad too. my conversation bud this morning wasn't mad at God, so please don't think i'm telling you she had a bad attitude. but, she is broken hearted at seeing her friend go through this. her friend, who is a believer, and comes from a spiritual home. i know so many who are broken hearted for others and don't understand why they have to go through what they go through, but i believe in His promises. and i pray that you do too.