i have felt so introverted, a tad depressed, and a lot exhausted this week. two nights in a row i slept for almost 11 hours. i had no idea what my problem was. i was still working out daily, but my energy level for anything else was drained and i became a "computer potato" staring at pinterest in a meaningless existance much of this past week.
as i was throwing a load of laundry in the washing machine the other night and wondering why i felt so drained/exhausted/depressed/quiet, i "heard" that still small voice in my spirit,"you've had no time with Me."
okay, so that punched me in the stomach and knocked the wind out of me. and He was right, i was guilty as charged. i had had no quiet time in His Word (despite my nightly requests that the girls have their devotional/quiet times in God's Word), and i sure wasn't talking to Him as i normally do.
upon this revelation, i almost instantly felt energized. i knew as soon as i hit "start" on the washing machine, i was going upstairs and opening up my Bible. and that's exactly what i did.
i opened up to the Psalms and dived right in. it was like i had been traveling in a desert and all of sudden i found an oasis to drink from. it was instant medicine. look, i'm not saying the Bible is "magical," i'm saying, it's POWERFUL.
His Word is living, breathing power..the kind of power that makes lame man walk and blind man see. (emotionally, spiritually, and physically) His Word is a lamp unto my feet, it's the light that lights my paths when life gets too dark to see. it's the bread i desperatley need when i'm starving from the hunger that this world and all of its beauty/people/places/things can not fill. the Bible is my refuge, a strong tower that i run to when life is hard, when the world tells me i can't, but my Savior tells me all things are possible! it is strength when strength is gone, and it is mercy when i am found guilty. His Word is a weapon that destroys my fears and doubts and pulls me out of the pit of despair. it cuts into the darkness in my life and in my heart and burns my sins and my failures at the stake! the Bible is joy in the midst of bad circumstances, it's peace in the midst of storms, it's hope in trials, it is endurance in pain!!! it's a friend when everyone has turned their back. it is history, proven time and time again by great philosophers/archaeologists/scientists. it is Truth, it is Life, it is the Way. for His Word says that the "in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was God"...and then the Word became flesh when our Father sent His only Son to a lost and dying world. don't you see? the Bible contains Holy Power because it IS power, God-breathed power!
and i'm telling you this because i KNOW you. i know that those few days when i felt down and depressed with no energy and a heaviness that wouldn't go away..i know that that is how some of you live on daily basis with no relief. and i want you to know that i know the power, the life changing power that a Book, a simple Book has to jerk you out of your complacency and set your feet on solid ground.
are you hungry? are you thirsty? are you spiritually naked left cold and alone in this dying world? .....there's a Book for that. and i promise you, you will never be the same if His Word is your daily bread.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
a conversation with calli
"do you know that God has big plans for your life?" i asked calli tonight in casual conversation. i had just got done telling her for the millionth time in her life how important and special she was to me and to her Heavenly Father.
"yes" she replied.
"do you know He wants to do GREAT things with you?"
"yes"
"like what? what does God want to do with Calli?" being silly now because while i'm all for speaking good over my children, i didn't think at her tender age of six she quite knew what i was talking about. heck, even His plans for ME aren't always clear. but i do know they're always good :) (Jeremiah 29:11)
she quickly responded, "He wants to take care of me."
tears quickly filled my eyes at her innocent and very true statement.
"yes baby, He does. what else does He want to do in your life?"
"He wants to protect me from bad things, like the people who are hurt and killed because they love Him" ... a confusing statement, but i knew exactly what she meant.
an arrow shot through my heart. i have always, starting at a young age, told my girls about Christian martyrs all over the world and even reading them articles and showing them pictures out of the Voice of the Martyrs monthly newsletter. they know in many parts of the world it is a huge risk to believe in Messiah....that some risk their jobs, their homes, their own spouse and childrens' safety in order to never deny His great name. in fact, there was a girl last winter of 2010 who was burned badly when persecutors set fire to her village because they were believers. i told the girls her story and even now, over a year later, my girls still request prayer for this girl. they know, standing in Truth and faith is hard...it's risky...it is the most sacrificial thing that you ever do. and sometimes, our Father chooses not to protect us from persecution.
so as gently as i could, i tried to explain (completely humbled that my dear 6 year old daughter is so sensitive to what He wants to do in her life) that sometimes people are killed or hurt, lose everything they have, or suffer from unkind words for the Gospel's sake. and that while God may choose to not protect their bodies, He always guards their hearts and spirits, gives them strength to endure, and never ever leaves them. sometimes, we don't understand why He lets bad things happen to those who love Him so much, but His plans are always good.
she then fluttered off like a butterfly to play with her sister, so carefree and happy. and there i sat. the weight of the world on my spirit to pray that He would in fact, always take care of her, always protect her, never leave her. dedicating your kids to the Creator of the world, saying "here, they're all Yours" can be really tough. i worry over them, my life can be consumed by them, my focus sometimes is more on them than on my own love for God. but if she, at 6 years old, knows He wants to protect her, to take of her, then what shall i fear?
Dear Father, please always remind me as you did tonight that the plans You have for me are to take care of me, to protect me. and my dear children, my sweet girls who You so graciously gave me, please take care and protect them too. help them realize and understand Your great plan, Your great desire for their lives, and work in their hearts to ever show me Your way so that i too will become like a little child who trusts in You always.
"yes" she replied.
"do you know He wants to do GREAT things with you?"
"yes"
"like what? what does God want to do with Calli?" being silly now because while i'm all for speaking good over my children, i didn't think at her tender age of six she quite knew what i was talking about. heck, even His plans for ME aren't always clear. but i do know they're always good :) (Jeremiah 29:11)
she quickly responded, "He wants to take care of me."
tears quickly filled my eyes at her innocent and very true statement.
"yes baby, He does. what else does He want to do in your life?"
"He wants to protect me from bad things, like the people who are hurt and killed because they love Him" ... a confusing statement, but i knew exactly what she meant.
an arrow shot through my heart. i have always, starting at a young age, told my girls about Christian martyrs all over the world and even reading them articles and showing them pictures out of the Voice of the Martyrs monthly newsletter. they know in many parts of the world it is a huge risk to believe in Messiah....that some risk their jobs, their homes, their own spouse and childrens' safety in order to never deny His great name. in fact, there was a girl last winter of 2010 who was burned badly when persecutors set fire to her village because they were believers. i told the girls her story and even now, over a year later, my girls still request prayer for this girl. they know, standing in Truth and faith is hard...it's risky...it is the most sacrificial thing that you ever do. and sometimes, our Father chooses not to protect us from persecution.
so as gently as i could, i tried to explain (completely humbled that my dear 6 year old daughter is so sensitive to what He wants to do in her life) that sometimes people are killed or hurt, lose everything they have, or suffer from unkind words for the Gospel's sake. and that while God may choose to not protect their bodies, He always guards their hearts and spirits, gives them strength to endure, and never ever leaves them. sometimes, we don't understand why He lets bad things happen to those who love Him so much, but His plans are always good.
she then fluttered off like a butterfly to play with her sister, so carefree and happy. and there i sat. the weight of the world on my spirit to pray that He would in fact, always take care of her, always protect her, never leave her. dedicating your kids to the Creator of the world, saying "here, they're all Yours" can be really tough. i worry over them, my life can be consumed by them, my focus sometimes is more on them than on my own love for God. but if she, at 6 years old, knows He wants to protect her, to take of her, then what shall i fear?
Dear Father, please always remind me as you did tonight that the plans You have for me are to take care of me, to protect me. and my dear children, my sweet girls who You so graciously gave me, please take care and protect them too. help them realize and understand Your great plan, Your great desire for their lives, and work in their hearts to ever show me Your way so that i too will become like a little child who trusts in You always.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
GO YE- Haiti 2012
“If He was here, Jesus would walk the same way,” Patrick turned and said as we followed him single-file up a steep path of rocky terrain and plantain trees while little Richardson hugged my waist tightly to ensure I didn’t fall. Patrick may not have known the weight of his words at the time, but that phrase stayed with me as we made our journey up the dirt trail to a woman’s house in need of prayer. Even now as I’m back in America, sitting comfortably with a full belly in a climate controlled room, the phrase “WWJD?” has taken on a whole new meaning.
Patrick, our Haitian translator, the man who learned English through self-teaching of comparing his Haitian Creole Bible with the English version, only a mere 6 weeks ago I might add. Patrick, 26 years old with a 16 year old sister and a 9 year old brother, a mother who passed away on July 15, 2011 and a father who died when he was a young boy, once attended school in the Dominican Republic but had to return home to his village due to costs of his education. Patrick, our Haitian translator who works for Mission of Hope in order to put food on the table for his younger siblings and who God used mightily to impact our entire team. But there I go, getting ahead of myself….
Note: I started to document and write everything about this trip, the details, day to day…but it didn’t feel right, details aren’t what I want to share. The people, that’s what I want to share. The ones I traveled with, and the ones I met that impacted my soul to its very core. So please, as you read on, let these characters in my story of Haiti January 2012 touch your heart as they have touched mine.
MAIN CHARACTERS: There are two main characters in my story, without these two people, my Haiti experience would be just another mission trip. Let’s meet them, shall we?
PATRICK: I wrote a bit about Patrick earlier, but I don’t want you, the reader, to miss out on the great depth of love our team, and myself, have for this humble man. Our first real encounter with him was when he accompanied us into a village called Source Matelas (pronounced “Seuss Mahtlay”). He was quiet, watchful, and in his slow, yet perfect English, he told us we would be going from house to house, asking people if they know Jesus, if they are saved, and if there are any prayer needs. We did as we were instructed, and the first woman we came to had back pain, the first man we came to (Charles Mac), the same problem. As we took turns praying for these people, it was immediately evident that Patrick was more than just our translator, he was a prayer warrior. The authority in which he prayed startled me, but I loved it. I knew this man was for real. In that village that morning, there were 3 women led to Christ, and one woman (Sandra) who Derek baptized using Rebecca’s water from her water bottle. There were many people we prayed over, including a lady who was due to have a baby in about month. There were village children all around, most wanting us to cut our evangelizing short so we could play soccer. It was in that village, going up the path I wrote of prior, that I really felt like one of His disciples. I looked down at my feet, filthy in my sandals, and I knew why the washing of the feet was such an honoring experience for the disciples. We went into homes that had no airflow, in the 90 degree weather with several people crammed into one room, and I knew, our Savior must have done the same thing. I held a newborn baby, soaking wet in urine, but sleeping as peacefully as can be. And it was Patrick who was our guide, it was Patrick who led us in song on the way back from the village for he knew our hearts were heavy with what we had just seen. We saw Patrick be silly that afternoon while visiting an orphanage. He danced, he sang, he jumped. He had a gentle way with the children and our team knew we were in good hands when he was around. The following day, Patrick came with us to the village of Leveque where MOH had broken ground on 500 new homes to replace tents put up after the earthquake. Not only did he come with, he helped us paint (yellow) a house for a family who would soon be moving in. Before long, we were once again singing by his leading and while he worked side by side with Debbie on the inside of the house, he learned what her teasing was all about. J The Haitians don’t quite get our sense of humor, but Debbie tried. She and I also tried to teach Patrick the song, “this little light of mine.” That day while painting, Patrick heard and saw all of our silliness, and loved us just the same. We learned more about him and he learned more about us, and when it was time to say goodbye when we returned to the mission, we reminded him that while he will see several teams each week and may never remember us, that we would never, ever forget him and would always be praying for him. As we stood in a circle of goodbyes and tears, Patrick reminded us, “When you go back home, you love everyone. You preach the Gospel. You make disciples.” Did he understand that our team was called the “Go Ye” team and that what he had spoken was our very mission? Probably not, but God knew what we needed to hear, and who we needed to hear it from. Debbie later told us that Patrick opened up about wanting to preach the Gospel and evangelize all over Haiti. I pray one day, with his brother and his sister that they will get to do that. Thank you Patrick, for that’s all I can say. There aren’t enough pretty words in the entire world to make you understand how special you were/are to me and my team.
ELIZABETH: Our group coordinator/leader for the week. I instantly fell in love with this beautiful brunette who was all smiles and passion. Her story at the Mission of Hope began a couple of years ago while she was living in her home state of Colorado. She had a great job, all of her family and friends were there, but something was nagging her. She kept hearing from God to move to Arkansas. Ha! Arkansas! From Colorado! That’s what she was thinking…she had no idea what in the world He was asking of her or why, but through many sleepless nights, she finally obeyed Him. She packed up and moved away from financial security, family and friends to journey on a path that God wanted her follow. In Arkansas, she got connected to a church that went on mission trips yearly. Though Haiti wasn’t ever on her radar, she somehow got corralled into going to the Mission of Hope with a team, and when she arrived, she knew. She couldn’t get enough and had to go back, and the “whys” and “whats” and “whens” of obeying God started to make sense. It was then that an internship opened up for her to stay at MOH for 3 months, and that later led to a job. This story stayed in my heart during our stay on the mission. Obedience. Where would she be had she not moved to Arkansas? Her love of the Haitian people and land, her compassionate heart, and her tender spirit were contagious! And ya know, the next time He asks something of me that doesn’t make any sense, I’m going to remember Elizabeth’s story. We all need to remember Elizabeth’s story.
THE SUPPORTING CAST:
THE CHILDREN: Each and every one, whether I remember their name or not. But especially Tracy, who followed us the entire time at Source Matelas and who, after I gave a pack of granola thins to, was licking the paper because she was so hungry. And then there was 11 year old Richardson at the village who told me he loved me and held me tight. Little Pierre at MOH orphanage who sang “Hallelujah” and Matthew who kept telling me “no” every time I’d say his name. Steve who let me love on him, Christina who I met last time I was in Haiti at the Berci property, and saw again on this trip. There was Juna that I held, Phalencia from Victorious Kids Orphanage who is 13 and very very smart, little Guanshay (sp?) who sang to me as she rubbed my cheeks and wiped my tears, Revaldo who sang like a champ, Bobby, Jerry, and the list goes on and on and on. So many faces, so many little hands, so many smiles and hugs and kisses, all happy and unselfish in giving their love freely and openly.
OUR PRAYER WARRIORS: in particular? My mom (mine and debbie's, and derek's mom), and our oldest sister, Deanna. Not to mention the countless number of people who invested in us financially and/or prayerfully. The many people who texted and called and emailed me specifically saying they were praying on our behalf, I/we say a big THANK YOU!!! But in particular, it was our mother and our big sister who carried us via prayer to and from Haiti. I have no doubt that they were both on their knees in prayer before, during, and after our trip and I believe that great things can be accomplished for the glory and honor of the Kingdom when people have a supporting cast of prayer partners such as we had.
OUR PRAYER WARRIORS: in particular? My mom (mine and debbie's, and derek's mom), and our oldest sister, Deanna. Not to mention the countless number of people who invested in us financially and/or prayerfully. The many people who texted and called and emailed me specifically saying they were praying on our behalf, I/we say a big THANK YOU!!! But in particular, it was our mother and our big sister who carried us via prayer to and from Haiti. I have no doubt that they were both on their knees in prayer before, during, and after our trip and I believe that great things can be accomplished for the glory and honor of the Kingdom when people have a supporting cast of prayer partners such as we had.
EXTRAS:
DELMONT: Another translator at MOH, he said after he graduated school, he would travel around the world, maybe even Tampa, FL, and be “the BEST SOCCER PLAYER EVER!!!!”
MOH’s PRAISE AND WORSHIP TEAM: our Haitian Hillsong
OUR “GO YE” TEAM: myself, Derek, Rebecca, and Debbie
THE OTHER TEAMS ON THE MISSION: Miranda and her family, Sarah, Isabelle, Cindy, Christy and her family, Bill and Jean
JOHN FROM LEVEQUE: the man with 28 children and 15 mommas of those children…wow! Talk about a lot of baby momma drama…. But such a sweet man who helped me learn more Creole
HOSANNA: a widow in Source Matelas who was so grateful to God and couldn’t stop praising Him for what He had done in her life
THE GOATS, CHICKENS, DONKEYS, COWS, HORSES, DOGS: enough said
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, MY HUSBAND, DAVID: Without this man's support, prayer, love, and gratefulness for how the Father uses me overseas, I would never be able to take this trip, see Haiti, understand that God's love has no borders, and shine His light in a dark world. Thank you, David. I love you so!
AND SO MANY MORE PEOPLE!!!!! SO MANY MEMORIES, SO MANY STORIES, SO MUCH SPEAKING TO MY SPIRIT FROM THE FATHER!!!! SO MUCH PRAISE I GIVE TO THE GIVER OF LIFE!!!!!
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, MY HUSBAND, DAVID: Without this man's support, prayer, love, and gratefulness for how the Father uses me overseas, I would never be able to take this trip, see Haiti, understand that God's love has no borders, and shine His light in a dark world. Thank you, David. I love you so!
AND SO MANY MORE PEOPLE!!!!! SO MANY MEMORIES, SO MANY STORIES, SO MUCH SPEAKING TO MY SPIRIT FROM THE FATHER!!!! SO MUCH PRAISE I GIVE TO THE GIVER OF LIFE!!!!!
I pray I never forget what it was like to walk off the beaten path, have a man named Patrick turn to us, and say “If He was here, Jesus would walk the same way.”
Saturday, December 31, 2011
when life hurts, be an oyster
life is hard. pain hurts, hearts break.
Ephesians 6:11 tells us we must put on the armour of God in order to stand agains the schemes of the enemy. in Isaiah 54:17, our Father tell us that no weapon formed against us will prosper, or come to pass.
what do these two verses have in common? they're meant to prepare you for things that are happening or will happen in your life. we have to put on His armour for battle because, there WILL be a battle. and with His protection, no weapon formed against us will prosper...BUT, there WILL be weapons formed against us. we absolutley will face hard times, and sometimes, life kicks us when we're down. and it's painful, and dark, and sometimes the light doesn't come back for a long, long time.
this morning, i was looking at desiree's pearl earrings, and i was reminded how pearls are made. the oyster gets a grain of sand stuck in it, and it HURTS. the oyster must feel miserable, but during the pain, it is producing something beautiful; a pearl, something that is sought out by many because of its delicate beauty. then there's diamonds....they start as dirty coal, but through much pressure and heat, they become a precious gem. and silver is refined only through what? FIRE!
hard times will come! this world is hard, and we have an enemy who wants to destory us with whatever he can to make us ineffictive for the Kingdom of light. but through the hurt, the pressure, the fire, we are becoming something beautiful and much treasured.
be an oyster, let your pain produce something unique and valuable for someone else. you never know, the heartbreak you're going through today may be used in the future to help others going through the same thing, and the reason and purpose you're experiencing hurt now will all make sense.
Ephesians 6:11 tells us we must put on the armour of God in order to stand agains the schemes of the enemy. in Isaiah 54:17, our Father tell us that no weapon formed against us will prosper, or come to pass.
what do these two verses have in common? they're meant to prepare you for things that are happening or will happen in your life. we have to put on His armour for battle because, there WILL be a battle. and with His protection, no weapon formed against us will prosper...BUT, there WILL be weapons formed against us. we absolutley will face hard times, and sometimes, life kicks us when we're down. and it's painful, and dark, and sometimes the light doesn't come back for a long, long time.
this morning, i was looking at desiree's pearl earrings, and i was reminded how pearls are made. the oyster gets a grain of sand stuck in it, and it HURTS. the oyster must feel miserable, but during the pain, it is producing something beautiful; a pearl, something that is sought out by many because of its delicate beauty. then there's diamonds....they start as dirty coal, but through much pressure and heat, they become a precious gem. and silver is refined only through what? FIRE!
hard times will come! this world is hard, and we have an enemy who wants to destory us with whatever he can to make us ineffictive for the Kingdom of light. but through the hurt, the pressure, the fire, we are becoming something beautiful and much treasured.
be an oyster, let your pain produce something unique and valuable for someone else. you never know, the heartbreak you're going through today may be used in the future to help others going through the same thing, and the reason and purpose you're experiencing hurt now will all make sense.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
our inconveniences are apart of His plan
i had such a lovely weekend. we spent it in warm, sunny florida, eating lunch on the beach, taking a stroll on the boardwalk, shopping, spending a day riding horses and enjoying the outdoors. a relaxing and fun time..until tragedy struck.
okay okay, well maybe not TRAGEDY so to speak. just a minor inconvenience really..but at the time, of course the world ended and doom and gloom set in. okay okay, maybe another small exaggeration, but i was aggravated. set backs are really a pain, aren't they?
about an hour after we left his dad's house, david noticed greasy fluid spraying up on my back glass. sure enough, it was transmission fluid. we had to quickly pull off and sit in a gas station parking lot for another hour until his dad came to get us. THANKFULLY, we didn't have to call a tow truck because his dad came with a flat bed trailer to load my car. THANKFULLY it happened only an hour away from his dad's and THANKFULLY david was with me when it happened. how many times have i made the trip to florida all by myself???
but of course in those first few moments, i was anything but THANKFUL. although, my first thought was, "i wonder what could have happened later on down the road had we kept going......" so while i immediatley put things in perspective, i was definitley not thankful. i was upset. i wanted to get home. i had a good time, but i wanted to go home. i started worrying about what my boss would say, what my co-workers would think, what david's work would do. i tried to put on a brave face, not knowing yet exactly what was wrong with the car, how long it would take to fix, or how much it would cost to fix it.
david quickly realized how upset i was getting, and being the rock that he is, he grabbed my hand and intently told me it would be okay. that worrying and making myself sick wouldn't help, and how we needed to stay positive and THANKFUL (there's that word again) that it happened while he was with me, and only an hour away from his dad and that we wouldn't have to pay for a tow truck. he must have spent 5 minutes giving me a good pep talk and calming my nerves.
david's dad showed up and as you can see from the picture, loaded my car up with no problems. THANKFULLY there was a man at his house who is a certified mechanic..who guess what? helped david fix my car. for not a lot of money and in a very short amount of time. i mean, how much favor does God give me and my family?! TOO MUCH!!! SO MUCH UNDESERVED GRACE AND MERCY HE SHOWERS ON US!!!!!
so i am THANKFUL!!!! thankful for whatever the reason was my car messed up (what the mechanic called a "fluke")..thankful that he was there to help david, thankful for the way it all worked out, thankful for getting home a day later and enjoying more time with my sweet little family, thankful for unforseen blessings, thankful that one day i will know the reason why this "fluke" happened. thankful that even when i have to look behind me to see something broken, like in this picture, i can trust that the broken will be fixed and that He has a plan in the brokeness.
okay okay, well maybe not TRAGEDY so to speak. just a minor inconvenience really..but at the time, of course the world ended and doom and gloom set in. okay okay, maybe another small exaggeration, but i was aggravated. set backs are really a pain, aren't they?
about an hour after we left his dad's house, david noticed greasy fluid spraying up on my back glass. sure enough, it was transmission fluid. we had to quickly pull off and sit in a gas station parking lot for another hour until his dad came to get us. THANKFULLY, we didn't have to call a tow truck because his dad came with a flat bed trailer to load my car. THANKFULLY it happened only an hour away from his dad's and THANKFULLY david was with me when it happened. how many times have i made the trip to florida all by myself???
but of course in those first few moments, i was anything but THANKFUL. although, my first thought was, "i wonder what could have happened later on down the road had we kept going......" so while i immediatley put things in perspective, i was definitley not thankful. i was upset. i wanted to get home. i had a good time, but i wanted to go home. i started worrying about what my boss would say, what my co-workers would think, what david's work would do. i tried to put on a brave face, not knowing yet exactly what was wrong with the car, how long it would take to fix, or how much it would cost to fix it.
david quickly realized how upset i was getting, and being the rock that he is, he grabbed my hand and intently told me it would be okay. that worrying and making myself sick wouldn't help, and how we needed to stay positive and THANKFUL (there's that word again) that it happened while he was with me, and only an hour away from his dad and that we wouldn't have to pay for a tow truck. he must have spent 5 minutes giving me a good pep talk and calming my nerves.
david's dad showed up and as you can see from the picture, loaded my car up with no problems. THANKFULLY there was a man at his house who is a certified mechanic..who guess what? helped david fix my car. for not a lot of money and in a very short amount of time. i mean, how much favor does God give me and my family?! TOO MUCH!!! SO MUCH UNDESERVED GRACE AND MERCY HE SHOWERS ON US!!!!!
Monday, December 19, 2011
yuck on the surface
i have often wondered why, when it seemed like the closer i was getting to God, the more i messed up. i would sometimes chalk it up to just being "more aware" of my great need for a Savior and what a huge failure i was. but then i came to the realization that, while both of those points are most certainly true, my excess screwing up isn't something that the Father uses to rub in my face and make me smell my own dirty laundry, so to speak.
so, i think i finally get it. when i need a break-through the most, when i seem to mess up time and time again, when my attitudes are at their worse and my mouth is spewing awful things, i think i can finally see and understand the plan He has for me through all of it. He is allowing my ugliness to come to the surface.
okay, so stay with me. when i exercise, my body sweats, which brings impurities and dirt, bacteria, and toxins to the surface. now, if i don't quickly exfoliate, clean, wipe the yucky away, then it stays on my skin. clogging my pores, and causing acne.
when you soak beans, you soak them to clean them. when they're in the pot, all of the dirt and filth from the beans rises to the top and it has to be skimmed away. if not, then the beans just cook in dirty water and nothing about the bean changes. you may as well not soak them at all.
don't you see? when our Father allows faults to rise to the surface, He wants to exfoliate, cleanse, skim them away! when it seems that you are closer than ever to Him, but can't understand why you're angry, depressed, using ugly language, etc....it's because in His great love, in His tender mercy, He is crying out for you to be cleansed and delivered of whatever binds you! we need our impurities to rise to the surface, to come out of us in order that we be scrubbed clean. but, we have to LET Him take away our sins..we have to allow Him to free us and get us out of the bondage that He is exposing to us to be on a deeper level of intimacy with Him.
He wants free fellowship with us, and if there are things hidden in our hearts that have yet to rise to the surface, we may not see the huge requirement in front of us to be whole and healthy individuals in order to be used by Him and for Him.
so go and be blessed, and know that every step you take closer to the Father, the more pure you will become. but it's not easy, the cleansing isn't always gentle...but His love is gentle, His mercy never ending, His kindess always enduring.
so, i think i finally get it. when i need a break-through the most, when i seem to mess up time and time again, when my attitudes are at their worse and my mouth is spewing awful things, i think i can finally see and understand the plan He has for me through all of it. He is allowing my ugliness to come to the surface.
okay, so stay with me. when i exercise, my body sweats, which brings impurities and dirt, bacteria, and toxins to the surface. now, if i don't quickly exfoliate, clean, wipe the yucky away, then it stays on my skin. clogging my pores, and causing acne.
when you soak beans, you soak them to clean them. when they're in the pot, all of the dirt and filth from the beans rises to the top and it has to be skimmed away. if not, then the beans just cook in dirty water and nothing about the bean changes. you may as well not soak them at all.
don't you see? when our Father allows faults to rise to the surface, He wants to exfoliate, cleanse, skim them away! when it seems that you are closer than ever to Him, but can't understand why you're angry, depressed, using ugly language, etc....it's because in His great love, in His tender mercy, He is crying out for you to be cleansed and delivered of whatever binds you! we need our impurities to rise to the surface, to come out of us in order that we be scrubbed clean. but, we have to LET Him take away our sins..we have to allow Him to free us and get us out of the bondage that He is exposing to us to be on a deeper level of intimacy with Him.
He wants free fellowship with us, and if there are things hidden in our hearts that have yet to rise to the surface, we may not see the huge requirement in front of us to be whole and healthy individuals in order to be used by Him and for Him.
so go and be blessed, and know that every step you take closer to the Father, the more pure you will become. but it's not easy, the cleansing isn't always gentle...but His love is gentle, His mercy never ending, His kindess always enduring.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
$3 for eighty cents?!
i was furious this evening when i found out that my 6 year old daughter traded $3 in coins she had (for a fundraiser at school) for .80 cents. i saw no logic in it, she gave me no answer other than she wanted to..she doesn't know the girl's name, only that she is in second grade. i kept saying over and over, "you gave up your three dollars for .80 cents?" this may seem menial to you, but i'm all about teaching my girls the value of a dollar and RESPONSIBILITY!!! not to mention, most of the money she had came out of her sister's piggy bank. $3 in exchange for .80 cents. sounds like a raw deal to me.
so, who do i call and vent to? my best friend of course!!! i called david, her daddy, my husband, our rock. i just couldn't understand why anyone would give three dollars in exchange for eighty cents. i wanted him to talk to her; he did, much more calmly than me, and then when i got back on the phone, i just kept saying, "why would she DO that?! $3 for eighty cents?!"...and then of course all of my questioning subsided when the Spirit reminded me i do that to my Savior all the time.
i have the most costly gifts...salvation, grace, mercy. and i am daily exchanging it for something much cheaper...wrong attitudes, harsh words, pride. i willingly exchange my gifts from God for something that is of far less value. and i do this often. how many times do i get done praying, "thank you so much for Your mercy"...and then refuse to give mercy to someone else who needs it? or maybe i'll trade His love in on people-approval..DEFINITLEY MUCH LESS VALUABLE BY THE WAY, because basically people suck and so does their approval. most i know are fake fake fake and their approval is also fake fake fake. so instead of making sure i'm pleasing Him and basking in His love for me, i'm too busy ignoring His acceptance and seeking it in someone else.
this is an every day occurence that WE ALL do this!!! we take the diamonds and pearls that our Father in Heaven gives us and exchange them at the corner street market for some cheap costume jewelry. and then we walk around all day wearing our costume jewelry, thinking we're better than everyone, full of pride and "me-ness," and completely ignore the fact that the fake jewelry around our necks will break like cheap garbage and we'll be in desperate need for those diamonds and pearls once more.
DEAR GOD, PLEASE don't let me exchange the blessings You give me for something that could NEVER equal the value of Your gifts!!!! $3 for eighty cents may seem like a raw deal, but so does grace in exchange for self.
so, who do i call and vent to? my best friend of course!!! i called david, her daddy, my husband, our rock. i just couldn't understand why anyone would give three dollars in exchange for eighty cents. i wanted him to talk to her; he did, much more calmly than me, and then when i got back on the phone, i just kept saying, "why would she DO that?! $3 for eighty cents?!"...and then of course all of my questioning subsided when the Spirit reminded me i do that to my Savior all the time.
i have the most costly gifts...salvation, grace, mercy. and i am daily exchanging it for something much cheaper...wrong attitudes, harsh words, pride. i willingly exchange my gifts from God for something that is of far less value. and i do this often. how many times do i get done praying, "thank you so much for Your mercy"...and then refuse to give mercy to someone else who needs it? or maybe i'll trade His love in on people-approval..DEFINITLEY MUCH LESS VALUABLE BY THE WAY, because basically people suck and so does their approval. most i know are fake fake fake and their approval is also fake fake fake. so instead of making sure i'm pleasing Him and basking in His love for me, i'm too busy ignoring His acceptance and seeking it in someone else.
this is an every day occurence that WE ALL do this!!! we take the diamonds and pearls that our Father in Heaven gives us and exchange them at the corner street market for some cheap costume jewelry. and then we walk around all day wearing our costume jewelry, thinking we're better than everyone, full of pride and "me-ness," and completely ignore the fact that the fake jewelry around our necks will break like cheap garbage and we'll be in desperate need for those diamonds and pearls once more.
DEAR GOD, PLEASE don't let me exchange the blessings You give me for something that could NEVER equal the value of Your gifts!!!! $3 for eighty cents may seem like a raw deal, but so does grace in exchange for self.
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