i HATE the sunday blues. ya know, when 5pm hits on sunday evening and the dreaded "monday" is staring at you smack dab in the face. and especially today, with the rain, after a 4 day break with my fella' and our girls, the holiday..going back to work tomorrow morning seems more crap than cool.
but, after this weekend, when a friend's family is reaching the breaking point of divorce, and another friend unexpectadley lost her mom the day after thanksgiving, and then yet another friend's daughter lost her home in a fire the day before thanksgiving...i think i'll suck up my sunday blues and be thankful for a job to go to.
this weekend proved hard for so many. family bonds were tested, faith was shaken, questions were asked that had no answers. and i know as i sit here and type in my warm and dry home with blessings a-plenty, adversity will soon hit me and my family. because, that's life. if it's not hard for me now, it will be. so i must stay armoured, pray in battle even when i'm not in the war. get prepared for a fight during times of peace. strengthen my faith, be diligent in prayer, stay close to my Savior's heart. and i encourage you to do the same.
if things are hard for you now..GREAT! you'll never know the huge plan that God has for your life if you don't embrace the pain and fight. fight through your tears..get down, but don't stay down! your pain and trials are and will be used for a purpose far greater than an "easy life" will produce!! and if right now, you're like me...so beyond blessed that complaining about anything would be a direct slap to God's face, then BE THANKFUL!!!!! but don't stop praying! you never ever stop praying just because things seem comfortable for you. i plead with you to jerk yourself out of complacency, hit your knees, and build your house on a rock. for when the storm comes...you won't want to be on anything but Christ's solid ground...
for my friends who have been swallowed by life's unfairness this past week, my prayers are with you. you are strong, beautiful, and you will find comfort in your pain.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
i'm watching you...
i write dramas. skits, plays, whatever. i also perform and direct drama at church. i love being on stage and i feel most at home when i'm performing something that is God-breathed that i have written. it's what i was born to do. unfortunatley, there's no money in it where i live..so instead i do it to bring honor to my Creator, my Savior. i do it in hopes that someone's life will be touched and what they see on stage will forever stay in their spirit and heart. so very often, i am approached by people that tell me how much i ministered to them through a skit, whether i wrote it, directed it, or performed it. i'm humbled every time because it thrills me that a holy God has chosen to use what i LOVE to do and use it for HIS Kingdom!!
so this morning, when i was approached by a man i had never seen (who apparently sits 2 rows behind me every sunday), i was positive he was going to tell me something to the effect of, "i just want to let you know how much i enjoy what you do on stage," or something of that nature. but he didn't.
this elderly man of probably early 70s gets in my face, practically nose to nose. i can see every freckle, wrinkle, and liver spot on his face, i can even see my reflection in his bifocals. what he says blessed me more than any accolade i could have received for any acting performance. he said to me, "i just want to let you know what joy i find in the way you love on your daughters, and the way they love you back. every sunday i watch you and your girls, and it's such a breathe of fresh air the way you are with them. when i was your age, i was too busy telling my children to be quiet or sit down, but we didn't love on each other the way you do with one another."
i thought i would cry right then. this man, whom i'd never seen, sitting two rows behind me in church....wow. i mean, i've had friends say how sweet it is that calli raises her hands during worship, or how precious desiree is when she lays her head on my shoulder..but THIS. from a STRANGER!
no, this is no act i put on. when i'm at church, and even when i'm not, my girls are 100% loved and they 100% love me back. we kiss, we hug, we snuggle, we play with each other's hair (well, i play with their hair...i hate having my hair played with). it's a time where i get to sit with them, sing with them, worship with them, pray with them, take communion with them. and when david is in town and in church with me, it's no different. typically calli sits in his lap and desiree is laying on my lap. we are lovey-dovey family and the fact that a stranger noticed made me wonder how many times i'm being watched by others. not just at church while sitting with my girls, but all the time.
who's watching me to see how i react when someone at work ticks me off? who's listening and paying attention when i gossip and i really shouldn't be? who sees me pull out of church on sunday morning, and then sees me get mad at a store clerk on monday? who watches us? everyone. everyone does. if you claim to be a child of the King, you are going to be watched. be on guard. be holy as He is holy. be found loving, being patient, possessing the fruit of the Spirit. someone is going to notice you. but don't take my word for it...just ask the old man two rows behind me....
so this morning, when i was approached by a man i had never seen (who apparently sits 2 rows behind me every sunday), i was positive he was going to tell me something to the effect of, "i just want to let you know how much i enjoy what you do on stage," or something of that nature. but he didn't.
this elderly man of probably early 70s gets in my face, practically nose to nose. i can see every freckle, wrinkle, and liver spot on his face, i can even see my reflection in his bifocals. what he says blessed me more than any accolade i could have received for any acting performance. he said to me, "i just want to let you know what joy i find in the way you love on your daughters, and the way they love you back. every sunday i watch you and your girls, and it's such a breathe of fresh air the way you are with them. when i was your age, i was too busy telling my children to be quiet or sit down, but we didn't love on each other the way you do with one another."
i thought i would cry right then. this man, whom i'd never seen, sitting two rows behind me in church....wow. i mean, i've had friends say how sweet it is that calli raises her hands during worship, or how precious desiree is when she lays her head on my shoulder..but THIS. from a STRANGER!
no, this is no act i put on. when i'm at church, and even when i'm not, my girls are 100% loved and they 100% love me back. we kiss, we hug, we snuggle, we play with each other's hair (well, i play with their hair...i hate having my hair played with). it's a time where i get to sit with them, sing with them, worship with them, pray with them, take communion with them. and when david is in town and in church with me, it's no different. typically calli sits in his lap and desiree is laying on my lap. we are lovey-dovey family and the fact that a stranger noticed made me wonder how many times i'm being watched by others. not just at church while sitting with my girls, but all the time.
who's watching me to see how i react when someone at work ticks me off? who's listening and paying attention when i gossip and i really shouldn't be? who sees me pull out of church on sunday morning, and then sees me get mad at a store clerk on monday? who watches us? everyone. everyone does. if you claim to be a child of the King, you are going to be watched. be on guard. be holy as He is holy. be found loving, being patient, possessing the fruit of the Spirit. someone is going to notice you. but don't take my word for it...just ask the old man two rows behind me....
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
i love you MORE!
both of my daughters, but especially my little calli (my 6 year old) is convinced she loves me more than i love her. recently on the way to school she asked me how much i loved her. i grasped for something that even came close to the amount of love i have for my precious daughter, and all i came up with was, "more than you could ever imagine. to the moon and stars and back. i love you for eternity." she then proceeded to tell me without skipping a beat, "well, i love you one thousand more than that!" and so we went back and forth, even with desiree throwing some "i love you more"s in there. they would tell me how much they loved me (using some crazy high number that usually ended in -illion. i.e. catrillion, mooillion, baskillion, etc.) and of course i would say i loved them that much plus one, because well, i love them more!!!
last night calli said, "mommy, i love you more." to which i replied, "baby, you could never out-love your momma." she insisted that she "out-loves" me, but it could never happen. a child with a parent who loves them could never love them more than that parent loves their child. and so, i basked in that thought. as much as i love my momma, she out-loves me. and so on with my dad too. but it was the notion that i could never out-love my God that really made me ponder. i could never in a million years love my Savior more than He loves me. and so, i wonder and would most certainly like to believe.....when i pray, and i say "i love you, Father" ..does He reply to me "I love you more." ?
last night calli said, "mommy, i love you more." to which i replied, "baby, you could never out-love your momma." she insisted that she "out-loves" me, but it could never happen. a child with a parent who loves them could never love them more than that parent loves their child. and so, i basked in that thought. as much as i love my momma, she out-loves me. and so on with my dad too. but it was the notion that i could never out-love my God that really made me ponder. i could never in a million years love my Savior more than He loves me. and so, i wonder and would most certainly like to believe.....when i pray, and i say "i love you, Father" ..does He reply to me "I love you more." ?
Sunday, November 6, 2011
back to the basics-a Sunday of playing hookey and revived revelation
here i am, playing hookey from church. it's not because i slept late (thank God for that extra hour of sleep. i totally needed it after my dog barked all night long). it's not because i don't want to be at my chuch, though i love it and its people dearly. i am simply playing hookey because we planned it this way. i wanted to have a leisurely breakfast with my gals, wash my car, and have my own worship time this morning. and so i did. and now here i sit, writing about my time with my God.
this morning, i got back to the basics. while listening to a worship song, the gratefulness, amazement, and humility from a Savior dying on a cross hit me like a ton of bricks. it is so easy to be casual about this, because it is so basic. God loves world, sends Son to die on cross, Son rises again, and grace is extended for all who accepts it and chooses to believe. it's the basic of the basics. it's where a sinner's debt is paid, it's the beginning of a life of salvation, it's where a relationship with your Creator all begins. and yet, without this solid foundation, there is no hope. this morning, as i sang and worshipped, the thought that i deserve hell without His grace became very real. the thought that if He had not come to die for our sins, even my sweet children would be doomed for hell. there would only be loss, every death and funeral would offer terrible suffering as the survivors could only wonder what happened to their loved ones in the "after life." maybe not. maybe we would just walk around and believe that we are not eternal beings and that after death, that is it. what a terribly purpose-less life we would all lead if we had no hope.
so while i'm always thankful for His grace, His mercy..this morning brought a new awakening in my soul to encourage you, that He is merciful, that He gives His grace freely, that His Son came and died for you.
i had a wonderful image in my head this morning while thinking about His grace, while pondering on our Messiah's death and resurrection. whether it was my wild imagination or the Spirit's leading that conjured up this picture in my head, i don't know, but i do know it was perfect for me. i thought of my girls at our kitchen table, eating a meal. they know if their food falls, or if they spill their drink, momma is going to be there to get out her clorox anywhere spray and clean up the mess. but what my kids don't do is purposefully make a mess, dump their water on the floor, or rub their food all over the table just because they know momma has the power and the tools to clean up their messes. now, if we screw up and sin, His grace is always there to "clean up our mess," but we should never take for granted His mercy and forgiveness so much, that we purposely make the mess and expect Him to forgive us. i know i'm so guilty of doing this...thinking "i know this is wrong, but i'm going to do it anyway and rely on His grace..." ...i don't want to be like that, though! i don't want to make a mess on purpose and then expect my Savior to get out the "clorox anywhere spray" and clean up my filth! i pray that He purifies me to be holy as He is holy.
this is what our God is crying out for us to do, to walk in His truth and abide by His word..the Bible says He gives us His "laws, rules, instructions" for our GOOD!!!! oh if only we understand the basics...the 10 commandments, His forgiveness, the wonders of His mercy...let's get back to the basics!!!! let's stop pretending to be more spiritually mature than we are by being prideful and turning up our nose to the "simplicity" of His love. without His love, we'd be doomed for an eternity seperated from Him in the darkest place!!!!
i leave you with a chorus from the song i listened to this morning...may it minister to your heart the way it did mine:
"Your grace is amazing to me,
and Your love is still such a wonder,
and Your cross is still bringing me to my knees, oh God,
You still amaze me....."
this morning, i got back to the basics. while listening to a worship song, the gratefulness, amazement, and humility from a Savior dying on a cross hit me like a ton of bricks. it is so easy to be casual about this, because it is so basic. God loves world, sends Son to die on cross, Son rises again, and grace is extended for all who accepts it and chooses to believe. it's the basic of the basics. it's where a sinner's debt is paid, it's the beginning of a life of salvation, it's where a relationship with your Creator all begins. and yet, without this solid foundation, there is no hope. this morning, as i sang and worshipped, the thought that i deserve hell without His grace became very real. the thought that if He had not come to die for our sins, even my sweet children would be doomed for hell. there would only be loss, every death and funeral would offer terrible suffering as the survivors could only wonder what happened to their loved ones in the "after life." maybe not. maybe we would just walk around and believe that we are not eternal beings and that after death, that is it. what a terribly purpose-less life we would all lead if we had no hope.
so while i'm always thankful for His grace, His mercy..this morning brought a new awakening in my soul to encourage you, that He is merciful, that He gives His grace freely, that His Son came and died for you.
i had a wonderful image in my head this morning while thinking about His grace, while pondering on our Messiah's death and resurrection. whether it was my wild imagination or the Spirit's leading that conjured up this picture in my head, i don't know, but i do know it was perfect for me. i thought of my girls at our kitchen table, eating a meal. they know if their food falls, or if they spill their drink, momma is going to be there to get out her clorox anywhere spray and clean up the mess. but what my kids don't do is purposefully make a mess, dump their water on the floor, or rub their food all over the table just because they know momma has the power and the tools to clean up their messes. now, if we screw up and sin, His grace is always there to "clean up our mess," but we should never take for granted His mercy and forgiveness so much, that we purposely make the mess and expect Him to forgive us. i know i'm so guilty of doing this...thinking "i know this is wrong, but i'm going to do it anyway and rely on His grace..." ...i don't want to be like that, though! i don't want to make a mess on purpose and then expect my Savior to get out the "clorox anywhere spray" and clean up my filth! i pray that He purifies me to be holy as He is holy.
this is what our God is crying out for us to do, to walk in His truth and abide by His word..the Bible says He gives us His "laws, rules, instructions" for our GOOD!!!! oh if only we understand the basics...the 10 commandments, His forgiveness, the wonders of His mercy...let's get back to the basics!!!! let's stop pretending to be more spiritually mature than we are by being prideful and turning up our nose to the "simplicity" of His love. without His love, we'd be doomed for an eternity seperated from Him in the darkest place!!!!
i leave you with a chorus from the song i listened to this morning...may it minister to your heart the way it did mine:
"Your grace is amazing to me,
and Your love is still such a wonder,
and Your cross is still bringing me to my knees, oh God,
You still amaze me....."
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
am i the only one?
**disclaimer: you may look at me completley different, hate me, feel judged, or just plain stop reading before you're even finished with this blog. trust me, none of this is my intention, and strictly written to a handful of people. but if i don't get this off my chest, i'm not going to get any sleep and if i don't get any sleep, then i will not be a happy girl tomorrow!**
i had to shut down facebook last night. the pictures of costumes and halloween good wishes filled my newsfeed, and i felt sick to my stomach. now before you get all defensive on me, hear me out. there are many i know that daily put on facebook how much they "love Jesus" and on an on about their Christianity. and then last night, i'm viewing pictures of them dressed up as witches, some covered with paint of death and blood, horrific masks, SOME EVEN DRESSING UP THEIR SMALL CHILDREN AS EVIL, DEAD ZOMBIES. it blew my mind! (and you're probably one i'm writing about and you're reading this thinking how "judgemental" i'm being) look, i don't run around town spouting off my "views" on this holiday or any other holiday. in fact, a co-worker i work with day in and day out didn't even know until yesterday afternoon that david, myself, nor my girls celebrate halloween. so please don't think i'm shoving anything down your throat.
you can call it harmless, do it all in the name of fun, but i refuse. and guess what people-who-have-looked-at-me-like-i-have-5-heads, there's nothing wrong with NOT CELEBRATING IT! my children get plenty of candy thank you very much!
we, as believers, are called to be HOLY AS HE IS HOLY!!! we are to be set apart as HE is set apart and unless you're 100% certain what you're doing is glorifying our Father's Name, then don't do it. trust me, i screw up! i'm not talking about daily sin, i'm talking about a certain parental decision to not celebrate halloween. my sis made a good point yesterday..we are in a daily spiritual battle between evil and light. what if, just what IF the ex-practicing witch and her occult stories are true about the sacrifices, the spells, the evil curses which are cast on halloween all true? (i've known someone who told me more than i wish to know about what occurs on this day) what IF this holiday isn't just harmless and fun and instead, we are opening a door to satan so wide that it would take spiritual warfare to close it? we are exposing our children to this potentially harmful day. we are shoving our families to frontline of battle! let it be about "family and fun" for you and don't think twice about what i'm saying...but i admonish and encourage you to please pray hard and seek the Scriptures about what Father expects of you as a Christian!!! especially if you're on the fence! don't just make excuses about His Word to do whatever pleases your flesh and makes everyone else happy.
two reasons we don't celebrate it: we do not glorify or celebrate or even acknowledge anything that uplifts the spirit of fear and the spirit of death. david and i have made the decision to protect our family and our children against such things. this for us, has been our family's decision.
but i'm starting to wonder:
-are we the only 30 year olds with children who don't celebrate halloween?
-am i the only one who HATES the idea of santa because it's a BIG FAT LIE and i'm expected to punish my child when she lies to me? and then, if a child finds out there's no santa, how will they know the "Jesus" and "God" you talk about is real too?
-am i the only one who has never pushed the idea of a tooth fairy or easter bunny because again, LIES!
-am i the only one who has done any research and knows per science, history, and good old Bible knowledge that December 25 is NOT Jesus' actual birthday and just a day picked out for His birthday by the Church?
-AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO AFTER READING THIS IS GOING TO LOVE ME? ..well, if so...so be it. i know in my heart (and if you know me even 1%) , i'm not being judgemental, i'm not a freak, my children in no way, shape, form, or fashion suffer because david and i don't celebrate certain days and teach them certain things.
my kids are whole, healthy, happy and have a joyous, content life! they are not sheltered, they are not naive, they have parents who love them and have to do what they feel is best to protect them and their little minds, bodies, and spirits while they are still under our roof. if you choose differently with your family, great. i'm sure you do not agree with everything i have said. or maybe you're the one person who does. either way, i have the 100% support of a loving husband and two wonderful girls, and my Savior has got my back, right or wrong, no matter what!
i had to shut down facebook last night. the pictures of costumes and halloween good wishes filled my newsfeed, and i felt sick to my stomach. now before you get all defensive on me, hear me out. there are many i know that daily put on facebook how much they "love Jesus" and on an on about their Christianity. and then last night, i'm viewing pictures of them dressed up as witches, some covered with paint of death and blood, horrific masks, SOME EVEN DRESSING UP THEIR SMALL CHILDREN AS EVIL, DEAD ZOMBIES. it blew my mind! (and you're probably one i'm writing about and you're reading this thinking how "judgemental" i'm being) look, i don't run around town spouting off my "views" on this holiday or any other holiday. in fact, a co-worker i work with day in and day out didn't even know until yesterday afternoon that david, myself, nor my girls celebrate halloween. so please don't think i'm shoving anything down your throat.
you can call it harmless, do it all in the name of fun, but i refuse. and guess what people-who-have-looked-at-me-like-i-have-5-heads, there's nothing wrong with NOT CELEBRATING IT! my children get plenty of candy thank you very much!
we, as believers, are called to be HOLY AS HE IS HOLY!!! we are to be set apart as HE is set apart and unless you're 100% certain what you're doing is glorifying our Father's Name, then don't do it. trust me, i screw up! i'm not talking about daily sin, i'm talking about a certain parental decision to not celebrate halloween. my sis made a good point yesterday..we are in a daily spiritual battle between evil and light. what if, just what IF the ex-practicing witch and her occult stories are true about the sacrifices, the spells, the evil curses which are cast on halloween all true? (i've known someone who told me more than i wish to know about what occurs on this day) what IF this holiday isn't just harmless and fun and instead, we are opening a door to satan so wide that it would take spiritual warfare to close it? we are exposing our children to this potentially harmful day. we are shoving our families to frontline of battle! let it be about "family and fun" for you and don't think twice about what i'm saying...but i admonish and encourage you to please pray hard and seek the Scriptures about what Father expects of you as a Christian!!! especially if you're on the fence! don't just make excuses about His Word to do whatever pleases your flesh and makes everyone else happy.
two reasons we don't celebrate it: we do not glorify or celebrate or even acknowledge anything that uplifts the spirit of fear and the spirit of death. david and i have made the decision to protect our family and our children against such things. this for us, has been our family's decision.
but i'm starting to wonder:
-are we the only 30 year olds with children who don't celebrate halloween?
-am i the only one who HATES the idea of santa because it's a BIG FAT LIE and i'm expected to punish my child when she lies to me? and then, if a child finds out there's no santa, how will they know the "Jesus" and "God" you talk about is real too?
-am i the only one who has never pushed the idea of a tooth fairy or easter bunny because again, LIES!
-am i the only one who has done any research and knows per science, history, and good old Bible knowledge that December 25 is NOT Jesus' actual birthday and just a day picked out for His birthday by the Church?
-AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO AFTER READING THIS IS GOING TO LOVE ME? ..well, if so...so be it. i know in my heart (and if you know me even 1%) , i'm not being judgemental, i'm not a freak, my children in no way, shape, form, or fashion suffer because david and i don't celebrate certain days and teach them certain things.
my kids are whole, healthy, happy and have a joyous, content life! they are not sheltered, they are not naive, they have parents who love them and have to do what they feel is best to protect them and their little minds, bodies, and spirits while they are still under our roof. if you choose differently with your family, great. i'm sure you do not agree with everything i have said. or maybe you're the one person who does. either way, i have the 100% support of a loving husband and two wonderful girls, and my Savior has got my back, right or wrong, no matter what!
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